Wishing...wishes come true...

I really don't listen to the radio or music in English but these lyrics stick out to me, been through a lot lately and sometimes I wish that it was easier to have wishes come true. I know that life will always have its ups and downs but sometimes it feels like we are stuck in the downs......:

Can we pretend that airplanes
In the night sky
Are like shooting stars
I could really use a wish right now
-B.O.B.~ Airplanes-




The past two days I feel like I am getting depressed no matter how hard I try to avoid it. I even told hubby that I miss being pregnant, and it is true, though it was for a short time I was the happiest when I was pregnant. We looked at cribs, bedding, clothes, had TONS of hopes and dreams. 


Forever I will have those words pounded into my memory:


"I could't find a heartbeat" -ultrasound tech 17JUN10-


Now all we can do is pray out to our (now three) Heavenly Angel Babies and tell them how much we love them, how much we miss them, how much we wish we could celebrate their arrival, birthdays and holidays. 


It is hard for me to see pregnant woman, hear about a baby shower, celebrating 1st birthday's, 1st everything's, etc. I know with time it will get easier (never 100%) for us to celebrate these occasions, as for now its too heartbreaking to see others do what we were dreaming of doing just a week ago. 


I know that it probably isn't the smartest thing to do, but, I sometimes just gather a list of songs that feel like they were written for me in this time of hurt, pain, and suffering. Its a good therapy for me other than holding it all in and letting this weight get heavier for me to handle, I even sing a long and when the song is over I feel a little better.


I think at least once a week I will use a song to help me write down my feelings so that in the future I can look back and remember the hardships I was in and how I overcame them or made them better.