Phantom Symptoms.........

Today I am CD31 according to last month I was expecting AF yesterday and nothing yet. So I went to the dollar tree to get a pregnancy test and decided it was time to test. I have not been charting at all but I always keep a mental note of when to expect AF especially because I need to call the doctor the second I find out I am pregnant to get on the Heparin and Progesterone. I tried not to get my hopes up at all but out of nowhere I would get these symptoms and start comparing to my previous pregnancy. I started to have heartburn, exhaustion, hungry at all hours of the day, and mood swings. With all that in mind I ended up getting my hopes up too high! I tested and it was negative! I thought by now I would be used to negative pregnancy tests...now more than ever it hurts to see one line. Today I would have been 26wks pregnant but now I am here hoping for a miracle that seems more like a dream than reality. I think I am just going to go outside and let the tears come out. Hubby is in our bedroom watching TV and cunado David is in his room, I don't want him to know whats going on. Hubby told me to wait and see if there was a second line after the three minutes and out of anger/hurt I just threw it down the toilet. In May when I took the pregnancy test within 2 seconds the second line came up and it was VERY dark. I can't believe that just a few months ago I had tears in my eyes because after 5yrs our prayers were answered. And now.......I have tears in my eyes because there is only one line. Infertility has shaken my faith...........


What goes up, must come down.

Life got in the way...

I haven't updated this in a long time. I have been extremely busy with life so much has gone on since I updated last. I can't believe September is almost over! Seriously!!! This year has flown by extremely fast! Yesterday was the 5yr Angel anniversary of our second baby Jesus. Sometimes it feels like it was yesterday that we were finding out we were pregnant and loosing our baby. On the 26th it will be four months since our precious baby G grew wings.

I sometimes look back at everything that has happened in my life and just want to cry from all the hurt, pain, broken dreams, and everything that has went wrong in my life. Instead I am working harder to get to that finish line that we have been waiting to get to since 2005. At times I blame myself for everything that is going wrong, but I have been trying my hardest to take them as lessons that needed to be learned.

So as far a trying to conceive...I haven't been charting, temping, or checking anything. We do whatever we want, when we want to do it. In a sense it is a HUGE relief because we are putting it in God's hands and not stressing over every OPK or 'symptom' that I have. The only thing is that I have to jot down the date of my last AF every time so that I can beaware if when I should start to test if she doesn't come around the next month. So that if I am pregnant (God willing) I can call the specialist and tell him that I need an Rx for the medicine.

Oh, yea I forgot to mention about my appointment with the Maternal Fetal Medicine Specialist. On Sept 14th I had my first appt with the MFM and we went over my history then he told me what the plans are for future pregnancies which are:

-Baby Aspirin 1x EVERYDAY
-Heparin EVERYDAY
-Progesterone 100mg
-bi-weekly appts
-measuring my cervix
-possible Cervical Cerclage after 1st trimester

He also had me get blood work done on these:

-Protein C Activity
-Protein S Activity
-Antithrombin III activity
-Prothrombin "Poort" [G20210A] Gene Mutation
-Methylenetetrahydrofolate reductase (MTHFR)
-Antithrombin III Antigen
-anti-ß2-Glycoprotein IgG/IgM
-Fasting Homocysteine


He told me that even though these test come back normal that we are still going to be doing the Heparin and Baby Aspirin. I thank God for sending us this great doctor, one that listened to all of my concerns. worries, fears, and addressed each one! THANKS BE TO GOD!!! I am extremely excited in working with the doctor and praying that it will lead to a healthy nine months of pregnancy!

With that being said on Sunday when I was in church they made an announcement that they were looking for Catechist for the CCD program, I was so excited! I have been wanting to be a CCD teacher and I felt like God was making this announcement directly to me! Right after the mass ended I spoke with Skip and signed up, yesterday I went to fill out paperwork, today we have a meeting all the teachers and assistants, and Saturday I have to take a class in order to start teaching on Sunday. I am so excited! This is going to be a great way to get more active in our church and religion. I am already an active member but I want to do more and they always say 'you have to give to receive' well that is what I am doing. THANKS BE TO GOD!

Well that is all for right now. There wasn't much to update on, I am starting to get back in the swing of things so that I can finally write on here more often, after all this is what I am going to be looking back on.

"Sometimes God just wants us to listen"

"Life will knock you down, you just have to choose to get back up or not"

-Karate Kid-

Specialist Appointment (MFM)