This is hard for me to type while I fight the tears, I don't want my hubby to see me like this. He is in the next room watching TV and I am here on the laptop.
This has been one fucked up battle with trying to get pregnant! I am tired of all the let downs! I am tired of being 'alone' in this, I have no one that is close to me that I can turn to (other than my hubby). We have been through so much and for what! To see everyone else in the world get pregnant. I tried to hold a positive attitude about this but I am exhausted and feel like I can honestly sleep the rest of my life away. I feel this is no longer my battle to win but to add on the wall of shame.
I am seriously sick and tired of it all. I have not talked to my hubby about this and am terrified to do so. I don't want to fail him as a wife but at the same time with us getting our hopes up I am only hurting him even more than just walking away from the disappointments. I don't know where to begin to explain to anyone or myself why I have choose to take the loosing route, but I feel it is for the best.
I know right now I feel like this but in a few months who knows I may change my mind...believe me that has happened to me in the past. I in my heart really don't want to give up but my mind is telling me to let go. I am stuck between a dark spot in my life and trying to find that light at the end of the tunnel (if it even exists). I just wish it was easier than it is said than done.
Who knows after I sleep it off I may just wake up feeling better about myself and continue the battle. This is a hard call to make. I am going to 'sleep' on the thought and update when I wake up. Hopefully I feel better, I just wish there was an easier way to know what our future holds.
...until next time...
(TO BE CONTINUED)
Friday, March 12, 2010
I am done!
Posted by ttc4toolong at 12:35 AM
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About Me
- ttc4toolong
- I am a mommy to a miracle baby. We went through three miscarriages and eight years of trying to conceive, before our daughter was born. We have had our faith tested many times, but it made our love for each other grow stronger. Follow us on our journey as new parents, and hopefully one day our journey to extending our family. Look for us on YouTube: (http://www.youtube.com/LYDISANC21).
4 comments:
(Hugs)
It breaks my heart to read so much pain caused by stupid IF. I wish I could take that pain away from you and everyone else going through this.
*hugs* I'm so sorry you are having such a tough time. i hope and pray that things gets easier and that you get your miracle soon
Don't give up. I FEEL THE SAME WAY!! I want to give up everysday....3 years..3 IUIs..and NOTHING to show for it!!! While it seems like everyone around me is effin' getting pregnant!! And most naturally and within FEW months. I find it bullshit and very unfair....but I know life is unfair.. *sigh* but it still doesn't make it hurt any less. Try and hang in there...I am trying..and who knows.maybe we will get our BFP very sooN!! My husband is deploying in a few months..and we can;t do IVF before he leabves....hopefully during..so we are racking to get pregnant..with a 1 PRECENT chance to get pregnant naturally...so I know how hard it is and how bad it sucks, just please don't give up, you will regret it. If you EVER need to talk, I am here. You got me on BBM..message me ANYTIME on it. *HUGE HUGS*
-R
I am so sorry you are feeling so down, and that you're having such a tough time. Just know that it WILL HAPPEN. You want that baby so badly that you will get one soon- and be a darn good mother at that. I am SO sorry you are in so much pain. :(
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