Today I met Kassie's &Mando's princess Kaylee she is so perfect and precious! She was born October 25, 2010 at 3:07PM 6lbs 11oz and 23inches long (all from memory Kassie if you read this please correct me if I am wrong). I know what they went through to have her. I have been and still am in their foot steps.
Yesterday when Mando updated me about her water being broke, being 6cm, then 7-8cm, and getting the delivery table ready I was in tears! I have never felt like that for someone before, this time it was different. This time I was not jealous because Kassie was pregnant and not me, this time I did not 'forget' about the baby shower. This time I was there for her as soon as I found out. It didn't matter that at that time I was pregnant, what mattered was the struggle she endured to get where she is at now......a proud mommy!
When I met this precious angel I held back the tears and was in complete awe! I felt like I was in heaven and no one or nothing could bring me down. At first I didn't want to hold her so soon in fear that I would just cry my heart out but after a while I couldn't resist. My heart completely melted in more ways than I can keep track of. For once I was truly moved by such a great gift from God. Don't get me wrong I am always moved by these gifts but this time it was different that its just to hard to explain. Kassie if you ever read this I think you know what I am saying.
The whole time being there with Kassie, Mando and princess Kaylee I couldn't keep my eyes off of her. Even though she isn't mine she has be wrapped around her heart. I feel that much closer to our miracle.
Today I would have been 30wks pregnant and on the final count down to the arrival of our miracle. Unfortunately God had other plans for our angel. At times I get very sad and shut people out about what's going on my mind and other times I try to hide what's going on deep down inside to make others laugh. But not a day goes by that I don't think about what would have happened if things were different. Maybe God was trying to tell me something or maybe God just wanted me to think differently about my past. Whatever it is I am still searching for the answers. Though I am better now with giving thanks to everything and I feel like my relationship with His has gotten stronger than it has been before. I don't know maybe that is what He wanted me to do before I can reach the next step. Now I look at life differently and changed for the better mentally.
I know one day God will put His miracle working hands over us so that we finally have our long awaited baby. I will never give up faith in His powers, even though sometimes I feel like giving up something in the back of my mind/heart won't let me truly shout down all hope/faith.
With the birth of Kaylee I have gotten that reassurance that MIRACLES DO EXIST.......its just that mind is waiting for the perfect time. I will continue to go strong no matter what because in the end it is all well worth it.
"The longest journey begins with a single step..."
LET'S GET PREGNANT!!!
2010 IS OUR YEAR!!!
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®
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