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Friday, April 30, 2010

Really...

As I lay here in bed I try to keep my head up and believe we still have a chance. I went to the bathroom a few minutes ago and the brown spotting like discharge showed up. This time with a little mucus. all these thoughts run through my head and all I can think about, our anniversary and hubby's birthday is ruined. AF hasn't started and according to my positive OPK I should be around 8dpo (right now I am starting to get dull cramps not necessarily AF-like). As for now I will but my trust in God and have Faith that our miracle is soon to come.

LETS GET PREGNANT!!!

2010 IS OUR YEAR!!!
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

Mixed signals

Today at around 11AM I went to the washroom and when I wiped there was a little bit of brown discharge.  Hmmmmm...why must my body send me mixed signals? I still have FAITH that our miracle is right around the corner for us. I will not give up and I will not be defeated!

Today I was on Twitter and I seen that someone put, 'If God were a woman, she would have never put us through the torture and hell of infertility'. I disagree with this statement (we are all entitled to our own opinions and beliefs), I honestly believe going through infertility is not a way of punishment or anything negative. I believe that it is a lesson that God is teaching us into learning about our bodies, changing our life style, to have Faith in Him to bring us through those trouble waters. I know that infertility puts a stress on any relationship, Faith, life, family and everything in between but if we sit there and blame God for what we are going through then we are only hurting ourselves. For many years I have turned my back on God, ran away from Him, blamed Him for all of the failing months and now that I have changed that I have been building a better relationship with Him. I stopped looking at my years of failed attempts to have a baby a punishment but rather a way of Him teaching me that I need to trust in Him, have Faith, and learn from the lessons He puts in front of me.

Its funny I started this posting at 11:11PM and now it is 12:30AM (Marlena called me and we were talking) today hubby turned 27 & we celebrate 6 wonderful years of marriage. Well, time for bed.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

As time goes by

I can't believe it tomorrow April 30th hubby will be turning 27 and we will be celebrating our 6yr wedding anniversary! It is crazy how time flies by. I thank God for sending my this wonderful man to spend the rest of my life with. Though we have our ups and downs (just like every other couple) we are deeply in love with each other.

As far as our TTC, I am currently in the 2ww. I am not going to test until around Cinco de Mayo (this is when hubby and I met in 2003, we got our first apartment in 2004, and found out I was pregnant 2005). I have tried not getting my hopes up but too late, they are WAY up there. I have tried to keep busy by working on a chipboard album, but I still slip up and start daydreaming about being pregnant.

We are at Mejier and we came across baby size soccer balls and hubby looked at me and said, 'when you find out that you are pregnant I am going to buy this. My baby is going to play like me.' I am not going to lie, seeing the hope and joy in his eyes made me believe I may be pregnant.

Its crazy how little things in life get you thinking. Well time for bed hubby has class in a few hours.


Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Results (Pregnancy/OPK)

Top is the pregnancy test and the bottom is the OPK.
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

Confused.............

So today I am supposed to be on CD9 but I am not.....hmmmmm. I took a pregnancy test and it was negative (an internet cheapie), so I took an OPK and to my surprise it was a FULL BLOWN positive! So what is going on??? Hmmmmm. I never really got a positive OPK earlier this cycle so could this be that I ovulated very late??? I am beyond confused and at this point grateful that I have at least another shot of getting this BFP that I have prayed for almost 5yrs. So what is next? I am full of questions that I can not answer, the last few days here are my symptoms:

-cervical mucus (not really paying attention to the consistency)
-dull, achy cramps
-flutters
-dizziness if I go longer than 3hrs w/o eating
-tiredness

WOW! This is one confusing cycle. As soon as hubby gets home I am going to let him know what is going on and we will continue to Baby Dance. I will not be taking another pregnancy test till after Cinco de Mayo, if we conceive then that will be the 5yr mark of us finding out we were pregnant with my Angel Guadalupe.

I have a lot to reflect on and don't know where to begin, I will be taking this day by day and hope for nothing but the best.  I think I am going to record a vlog later today or tomorrow and let everyone know what is going on and probably take a break from making TTC videos for a few days. It will finally give me the chance to record my questions and answers videos and random vlogs.

As for now I am going to continue to update here (hopefully) daily so that if we indeed conceive I can look back at this someday and be able to show my future child that was going on around this time.

LET'S GET PREGNANT!!!

2010 IS OUR YEARS!!!

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Never alone...

So a few weeks ago while in church I was hearing Father David's Homily and out of no where my eyes filled with tears, and the miraculous part is that I felt like God was sitting next to me holding my hand and letting me know that He has always been there even when I turned my back on Him. Ever since that day I have changed for the best and reflect on my daily challenges.  Remember when you feel you are alone in this world always look up to God and remember you are not alone, For He is right next to you holding your hand.

Just when I started seeing that light at the end of the tunnel............

So now we are in the waiting game, I pray that the doctors say it is NOT cancer and do what they have to do! Our family has been through so much! And I know God will be there every step of the way.

PLEASE GOD GIVE US THIS MIRACLE WE ASK OF YOU! I ALREADY LOST A BROTHER IN LAW LAST YEAR I CAN NOT BEAR TO LOOSE MY MOMMY!!!


Today I went to Lela's to pick up a memory card that my Tio Carlos wanted me to broadcast a video for him, when I got there my mommy was in the kitchen making carne with our favorite ingredients.  I asked her where everyone was at and she told me that my daddy and my sisters went to Eli's to take Moo and Anny back home and everyone else was working.  I sat there and waited for a while and the next part was SHOCKING!!!

Out of no where my mommy told me that the doctor found tumors (it was later that I found out it was about 5-7) and that I was in denial. I said to her what!?!?!?!?! She said they took out one before and I lied to her and told her I never knew she had some, (per daddy's request...one day daddy told me when he was taking me some where I can't remember where it was a few years ago, he didn't want us to worry and said that is why mommy didn't say anything to us).

...She didn't get to tell me in detail what the doctor told her because my daddy and sisters got back.  I didn't want to keep asking her. So when I got home after Manny and I went to return the movies to RedBox, went to dinner (Chinese), and to WalMart for some other things, I text'd her to ask her: "Okay you didn't finish telling me about what the dr said." Her response was (exactly how she txt'd it): "Im on line."

As soon as I finished doing what I was doing I hopped on FaceBook and sent her the message again and here is our chat:


Me (9:09PM)
okay so what did the doctor say
9:11pmMe
are you there
hello
hello
helll
hello************
9:12pmBlanca
YA
YA
YA
9:12pmMe
lol
9:13pmBlanca
DAM UR SLOW !!!!
9:13pmMe
lol i had to wash my hands hahahaha
<3
9:13pmBlanca
SICKO
SICKO
SICKO
SICKO
9:15pmBlanca
he just said that i have 5to 7 tumers. had to go get blood work done. and that would tell him if thier cancer.
9:17pmMe
what!?!?!?!?!?
9:17pmBlanca
what don't u understand !!!! slow person.
9:19pmMe
no but i thought they took out everything last time you still have your ovaries
9:20pmBlanca
yes & my cervix too. so I might loss EVERTHING NOW.
9:21pmMe
:'( dont worry mommy God is going to hep you through this and will always be there to hold our hands
9:23pmBlanca
thaxs mija. u and ur siserts need to stop fightting like cats & dogs !!!! and start getting a long more. cause u never know whats around the coner.
9:24pmMe
I know that is what I have been telling them. They dont listen to me at all
9:25pmBlanca
it sure dosnt look like to me. but keep trying.
9:26pmMe
i will mommy did you tell them at lelas
9:27pmBlanca
ya. she knows . shes upset .
9:29pmMe
:'( dont worry mommy we have faith that we will only get good news
9:29pmBlanca
yes we will. well i have to go now mija. in pain. have to take my meds. good night.
u there????
9:31pmMe
good night mommy sweet dreams sleep with the angels
9:31pmBlanca
you too mija. MOM LOGING OUT !!!! LOL. LAMO.
:) :)
9:32pmMe
lol <3 good night
9:32pmBlanca
LOVE U TOO GOOD NIGHT.
10:35pmBlanca is offline.





So now we are in the waiting game, I pray that the doctors say it is NOT cancer and do what they have to do! Our family has been through so much! And I know God will be there every step of the way. 

PLEASE GOD GIVE US THIS MIRACLE WE ASK OF YOU! I ALREADY LOST A BROTHER IN LAW LAST YEAR I CAN NOT BEAR TO LOOSE MY MOMMY!!! 

PLEASE keep my mommy and family in your thoughts and prayers!
9:11p

Grateful

One day when my prayers come true I will look up to the Heavens and thank God. For this journey has been long, and only He knows when it will end. I am now and always will be grateful for everything He has taught me about giving life.

-Lydia
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

Hmmmm...

Well today I am 8 days late for AF. Last cycle I was 4 1/2 days late. That the heck is going on with my body?!?!

I AM NOT TESTING...
I AM NOT TESTING...
I AM NOT TESTING...

I went to Wal Mart today and bought a box of EPT pregnancy tests (the same brand I used when I got my BFP in 2005) and a box of pads (just in case). I am really praying for this to be it!

5yrs ago this same month of April, I got pregnant! Can you believe it?!?! 5yrs already!!! If I am pregnant this would be a great birthday/wedding anniversary gift for my husband! Granted I didn't find out till May 5, 2005, but it still was a great gift for both of us.

God please answer our prayers.

These past few days I have been trying to relax and not think about 'what if'. It is a hard challenge but I know I can hold out for a few more days.

Well, good night. I'll write more in the 'morning'.

LETS GET PREGNANT!!!

2010 IS OUR YEAR!!!
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

Monday, April 19, 2010

The story of my life...

Well today is just another day I guess...

At 12:50AM, while at Denny's with my best friend Marlena I went to the bathroom for the umphteen million time today. And when I wiped I seen mucus discharge with red-orange spotting. For the past few days I had my doubts about being pregnant. Well now I am convinced!

Ugh! The story of my life I guess!

So according to some insensitive people, I am supposed to be used to it and not feel so hurt. Because I don't have any (living) children, I don't know what hurt and frustration is when I see negative pregnancy tests month after month. WRONG!!!

I have been TTC for going on 5yrs with NO known 'issues'. I have cried so many times, blamed the world, given up so many times, shut the world out, rebelled, and many more. So how can someone that has NOT been in my shoes know how or what I feel? (Someone mind you that has been TTC for about a year, has a child, and refuses to seek help). Yea, so now you know why I brought it up. UGH!

I am going to end this because if I don't I know I will start calling people out. And I am not here to do that. I make this blog for myself and my followers. I am here to get my emotions down so that when I start that new chapter I can look back and be thankful (not like I wouldn't be) for everything God has blessed me with.

Good night and God bless!
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

About Me

My photo
I am a mommy to a miracle baby. We went through three miscarriages and eight years of trying to conceive, before our daughter was born. We have had our faith tested many times, but it made our love for each other grow stronger. Follow us on our journey as new parents, and hopefully one day our journey to extending our family. Look for us on YouTube: (http://www.youtube.com/LYDISANC21).

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