On my mind...

Ready to write off this cycle...

Ready to call it quits...

Ready to say I am no longer a fighter...

Ready to announce I will let myself be defeated...

Ready to give up this 4yr battle...

Ready to walk away from it ALL...

Ready to say I've had enough and let this piece of crap get the better of me...

I am just ready to end it all...

I am seriously thinking about letting myself waste away and not do a thing about it. I am so exhausted from this so called 'challenge'. I seriously hate this situation I am in especially when others that don't deserve what I want get it easier than me. And for what...to destroy a life...to murder the innocent...throw away God's miracle that other fight to have.

After this cycle I think that I am going to consider walking away from it all. Depending on how 'strong' I feel...
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Sick of it al...

I am tired of all the let downs, all the tears, all the frustration, tired of all the charting, sick of wasting money on crap that should 'help' get me pregnant...

SICK OF IT ALL!!!

Why is it so easy for others around me to get pregnant? And yet here I am 4yrs of trying and nothing is happening?!?! Why can't it be easier for us all.

I have been told MANY times, 'in the end it will all be worth it'. But that doesn't guarantee that in the end I will have a baby in my hands. That doesn't guarantee that I won't go bankrupt trying to get my miracle.

I know God only gives us what we can handle, but I don't know how much more of it I can handle. It has been 4yrs too long! Every day I pray for my miracle, every day I feel that pain in my heart, everyday I shed a tear, every day I feel resentment to those that have it easier than I do.

I can tell you this my faith is being tested. Many times I have thought about throwing in the towel, but for what?!?!

I just pray my time is around the corner. This has affected my marriage, my life, relationships. I just want to be able to hold my head up high and shout, 'I am NOT defeated!!! I have won the battle!!! I am pregnant!!!'

But will that day ever come? Will my dreams ever come true? Until then all I can do is pray and hope it does...

LET'S GET PREGNANT!!!

2010 IS OUR YEAR!!!


Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

Uncalled for comments!

***This posting was originally wrote on 12/18/2009 I just needed to get this off of my chest and by me publishing it I feel that it will help me do that.  This IS a blog on venting so you do not have to read it (the choice is yours).***


Don't you hate it when people around you tell you to 'just relax' and it will happen?  Or stop reading all the books, quit charting, quit doing the ovulation tests, when it's your time to have a baby it will happen?  Do you need a surrogate, if so I can be one for you?  Here's another one:  you replaced having a baby with getting a dog?

These are the questions that I hear many times in my life, some come from family and some come from acquaintances.  I am getting sick and tired of people around me thinking that I am the reason why I am not getting pregnant and they feel that they have to put their two-cents in , what gives them the right to try to tell me how to live my life?!  To top it off I got a rude and uncalled for comment from a family member yesterday it is so rude that I am going to share it with you:

"oh, you got a dog because you haven't gotten pregnant yet? What you two are not trying anymore?"


WHAT KIND OF CRAP IS THAT?!?!?!  I mean come one people think before you speak!  Seriously!!!  Oh, and that isn't all she had the nerve to say it in front of my husband, which REALLY (beeped) me off!  I kindly (which was hard BTW) responded:

"No, we have had Petty (my dog) since 2004 when he was born.  He is NOT a replacement for not having a baby, he is part of our family and we consider him a child to us.  That does not mean that I have given up trying to have a baby."


I have to apologize ahead of time because this posting might get a little ugly, while writing this I am getting filled with the anger I had yesterday.  Sorry.

Here is my take on this and my beliefs:

1.  This person should of kept their mouth shut!  They have not been part of my life and never made a point to   be.

2.  I do not appreciate people around me coming to conclusions about my life and my golas.

3.  Unless a person is a part of the conceiving part, they have NO SAY in what I choose to do to get to my goal.

4.  This person has not made it a point to be in my life nor has cared to be.  So I don't see why its any of their business what I am doing.

5.  People like this need to be punched in the face!

6.  People like this need to keep their mouth shut!

7.  People like this needs to stay out of my life!  Because next time (family or not) I WILL set the record straight!

Granted that these are only a few points I wanted to make, I think I got my point across.  I feel a little better now and I think that by letting this off my chest I can breath.  Sorry if this post made you uncomfortable, but I just really need to vent.

There is a giveaway going on...

If you are TTC and always wanted to try new things to better your chances...look no further!

Baby Making Machine is doing a GREAT giveaway right now!!!
http://babymakingmachine.blogspot.com/2010/01/road-from-ttc-to-pregnant.html?showComment=1263404053001_AIe9_BGFM-ECQm0wBeST7AuT6cHj8g-e8CZibXc3IVjNsqRazEJPMUxPJ38WEb7wcnAb2BjYS4FjONbXArQKfy0FKL3qjwKlGv0X3Xmnd_YYxKFx0HWOJpTMhXvLmNEqG7fJXsJEhZ4bgEWHSSdd_coIIjqrcf37b88rw_TFws5i7kqUBeqjCl69SjQSF-_UDYJ3KU3FH2HCOnYpgrcOQZqOy-44P9_dWlluAcbfWM6cxuqrpemh5z8wK7ZNPw-gQm9-qetKT4j0#c6656921440540792292

All you have to do is read the post and tell her why you would like to win this giveaway!  Also don't forget to vote for her picture on FB!  She is trying to win a Breast pump and need your help just click on her picture and vote thumbs up!!! That simple.  :)

http://apps.facebook.com/contestshq/contests/11399/voteable_entries/list?order=votes

Click on Jennifer Johnson for thumbs up!!!


Don't forget to check out her


A Full Term of Giveaways.




Thank you in advance!!!!

Mini update...

So today I am on CD6, AF ended her ugly visit on CD3 but I did have spotting on CD4 (normal). I will start the OPK's on CD8 or CD9, depending on my temps which by the way I forgot to take yesterday when I woke up...it wouldn't of been accurate because I kept waking up every 2-3hrs.

Anyways, I finally came up with a great game plan that I have to write out (its in my head). I know I have been saying that for a long time now but I always forget to do it, although I am following it daily. A sneak peak of my game plan:

-Maca
-Baby Aspirin
-Prenatals
-Vitamin B6
-OPK's
-charting/temps
-pineapple
-meditation
-PreSeed

I know what you are thinking: what's up with the Maca and pineapple??? Don't worry I promise I will actually sit down and write out my game plan for you in the morning (well when I wake up...seeing that it is past midnight).

Btw, I have recorded my game plan video two days ago but still haven't gotten it up loaded so later today when I record my TTC update and up loaded, there will be 2 new videos (maybe 3) from me. I want to apologize in advance for that, all weekend I didn't have a chance to get it up loaded. Well, I had the time but I ended up spending most of it reading, catching up with videos, catching up on blogs, and on Twitter/Facebook.

I have a busy week ahead of me and I set a daily goal for myself so I don't fall behind. And on the plus side I was asked to write an entry for another blog site on how blogging has helped me through my infertility. I am so excited and happy I was asked to do this and once it is posted I will have a link to it.

Well, enough excitement for right now I am going to try and get some sleep. Good night/day.

LET'S GET PREGNANT!!!

2010 IS OUR YEAR!!!


Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

Quick update...

I am currently on CD3, and hoping AF ends today (being that it is 1230A). Wednesday wasn't a good day nor yesterday let me tell you...

I was VERY short tempered! I feel bad now that I yelled at my husband for no reason. I have no clue where that came from, on minute we would be okay and the next he would say something or look at me wrong and I would snap. It was a crazy day I hope that never happens again. Today I am going to count to 10 and take a deep breath.

Well I want to make this short for now and let you know what my symptoms are here it goes:

From CD1 - CD2

-short tempered
-mood swings
-dizzy spells
-headaches
-cramps
-diarrhea
-lower abdomen pains
-decreased appetite

So far those are the symptoms that I have. I am going to get going now, I will post a blog on my actual game plan for this cycle later today.

Take care! BABY DUST!!!

LET'S GET PREGNANT!!!

2010 IS OUR YEAR!!!
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

What's next???

I am currently at the end of my 2ww, I am not sure if I am prepared for whats to come next (either negative or positive).  Since New Years Eve I have been having cramps yesterday (Jan 3) they turned in to AF like cramps. Which is really confusing to me because I have this feeling in my heart that by March I am going to be announcing a pregnancy to my family.  I don't know how to explain it but the feeling is there, and everyday I feel that it is growing.  These last few days I have been getting signs from God that my prayers will be answered soon.  I feel that every where I go and everything I do I am always thinking about Him, I have started praying again at night and if I am too tired I still some how find the energy to pray.  So I am not sure what is coming next, nor do I know if I can handle it.  But I do know this, if I am not pregnant it's because God wants me to take the extra steps in my next cycle, and to build a stronger relationship with him so that I can get pregnant next month.  I may not seem like the religious type, but this year, this decade I am fixing that.  So I am putting all of my faith in God's hands and can only hope for the best.

If I am not pregnant I will post my game plan for the next cycle and give my self challenges.  I bought two new books yesterday so I will be posting an update on YouTube on that and going to go over new things i am going to add to my channel.

This is all for now, I know that it is very random and you probably don't understand it but it just some things that have been on my mind and I needed to get down on paper (so to say).



LET'S GET PREGNANT!!!

2010 IS OUR YEAR!!!

What's going on down there?!?!

Okay, I know I just updated my FB and Twitter status that I was going to bed...yadda yadda yadda. But I had to post this blog real quick. I am laying in bed if that count??? If you don't believe me, you can see at the end of this post that it was sent by my BB. Lol.

...Anyways...back to business...

I have been having cramping all day long since New Year's Eve. I am now on 11dpo more or less (remember this cycle I did not chart nor did a single OPK). I have no clue what is the cause, could it be? That our prayers finally be answered? Or is it AF playing a trick on me?

I have not had any spotting but my breast have been sore. I am not sure if its because the temp has dropped and its been snowing. I guess only time will tell.

Alright now I am off to sleep, I will update later. Good night (or morning seeing that its 2AM).

LET'S GET PREGNANT!!!
2010 IS OUR YEAR TO GET PREGNANT!!!


Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®